Eric: I need the strongest laxative you’ve got.
Pharmacist: [smirking] Ok.
Eric: [pauses] Its for my brother.
Pharmacist: [still smirking] Sure it is…
By Saturday, Halloween, the stool softeners were still…uneffective.
Again, Colin was laying on his side in tears.
By now, we know that approximately 2 hours after he eats is when he goes into pain.
And seriously, you could set your watch to it.
Additionally, it didn’t matter what he ate…except the “Budwig.”
Figures.
It was after I FOUND him in severe pain, that I did another round of research.
I capitolize “found” because I’d like to point out that if I didn’t find him crying,
he may not have found me to tell me what was going on.
We’re gonna hit on “communication” and its health benefits at a later date…
Anyway, what I realized in a three minutes of research was:
1. Stool softener not good enough. duh.
2. Coffee is a natural laxative. It stimulates the bowls to “flutter rythmically,” moving things along. Colin, cut out coffee for his alkalizing diet. He hadn’t had coffee for about 3 weeks.
3. Some Activated Charcoal, which Colin cut out, contains Sorbitol, and artificial sweetener and a diuretic, to counter act the constipation.
4. The activated charcoal capsules Colin was taking, did NOT contain sorbitol.
5. I owed him an apology for not knowing that.
6. I needed to go to the pharmacy…and Starbucks.
Colin’s reply to my mission:
“I don’t care if you use an A-Bomb. Just as long as it stops.”
The continuation of the above conversation between the pharmacist and I went sort of like this…
Eric: No really. My brother just finished his first round of chemo and radiation and is having a severe blockage.
Pharmacist: [looking at the shelves] How old is your brother?
Eric: 24. And he’s reasonably healthy except for the tumor and the obstruction.
Pharmacist: Does he like cherry or lemon.
Eric: Dunno. I’m sure both taste like crap…Cherry.
Pharmacist: [hands my a 10oz bottle] Have him drink this.
Eric: [holds up bottle] How much should…
Pharmacist: The whole bottle.
Eric: The WHOLE thing?
Pharmacist: [nodding deeply] The whole thing.
After I purchased the bottle, for $1.99, I started back to the pharmacy desk to ask a follow up question…which I can’t remember now what that question was…I know it had something to do with dosage, but I dismissed what ever the question was when I realized the recommended dosage for any adult was the full 10 oz.
Oh, I remember now. The question was “How long does it take to work?”
The bottle said:
“Thirty minutes to 6 hours.”
The stool softener 2 days earlier said”
“24 to 72 hours.”
The timing was good, since he had to go to a Hallowwen party that night.
I’ll explain why that was a must later as well.
I felt I was on the right path…and then I stopped at Starbucks.
I came home to baby bro with the ultimate laxative recipe:
Magnesium Citrate and an Iced Triple Shot Venti Caramel Machiatto.
Awareness Bracelet: "Save Colin – Terminate the Tumor!"
